Letting Go of Poop

From day one of having my first baby, I became concerned with poop.  It started with those charts the nurses gave me at the hospital with spots to fill in precisely when baby poops (and pees, eats, breathes, moves, etc.).  You remember those?  Medically necessary, they said.  If not careful though, this little sheet has the potential to lead to the baby's bowel movements becoming the lead occupier of space in your mind.  Did the baby poop?  Does she need to poop?  Why hasn't she pooped yet?  Does that color look right?  No, definitely doesn't look right.  Isn't it supposed to be a mustard-yellow color?  What kind of mustard exactly though?  Something must be wrong.  On and on it goes.  And once the poop chronicles begin, they truly seem to never end.  It seems that I have more encounters with poop everyday before 9am than most people do in an entire week.  So you understand the obsession then?  Okay good!  I thought you would :)

Anyway, fast forward four years.  FOUR YEARS.  Yes, I am still concerned with my daughter's elimination habits.  The musings of the past have just morphed into a full-on boot camp.  Did you use the potty?  Have you gone poop yet?  You're not getting off that toilet until you poop!  Of course I could come up with every excuse under the sun as to why this is okay and normal and natural... But I really need to let it go.  I do.  It's time.  And you know what I've discovered in this process?  It's really not about poop, as much as this mom thing deals with monitoring, cleanup and disposal of feces.  It's about control.  I want to be in control.  So does my daughter.  And so the power struggle began and continues.  Unfortunately and embarrassingly for me, this whole thing shows its ugly head THIS way.  By way of poop.  (I blame the hospital).

Someone once told me that a power struggle is like playing tug-of-war with another person.  The struggle continues as long as both people are holding onto the rope and pulling.  One way to end the struggle is for one person to drop the rope.  That said, I am here holding my end of the rope once again pulling in attempt to win a battle that really shouldn't be worth winning.   A battle of control.  To try and prove (to whomever, probably myself) that I am in control.  Instead of allowing her some freedom and control over herself and her actions, I attempt to create an ideal that I am in control of everything she does.  This is no bueno, and quite false actually.  Because the reality is, I don't control her.  I can't and I never will.  And I have to come to terms with the fact that she has her own will.  Now, I do believe that it is my job to train her will in the proper direction.  I can't just let her go hog wild and haywire in the name of freedom and choices.  But can I ease up a bit?  Maybe drop the rope on this issue?  On other issues too perhaps?

The thing is, I think I need to let my kids own some things.  Their mistakes.  Their victories.  They need to be able to make mistakes and have success without me always taking responsibility for it.  You know, drop the rope and let them do what they will and experience some natural consequences of choice.  This requires some letting go on my part, which is no easy task.  And so I have thus found that parenting is possibly God's sharpest refining tool. 

What about you, Beloved?  Do you have an area with your child that is a constant source of contention for the two of you?  Is there a rope that you need to drop today?  Invite the Holy Spirit to speak to you about the concerns of your heart.  He's always available!